NEW ENGLAND- Patriots Quarterback and all around Godsend Tom Brady was forced into protective custody this morning as a precaution against Super Saijyan Warrior, Goku. What was at first thought to be a rumor has now been confirmed as fact. Tom Brady is endorsing Ugg boots and Goku is pissed.
Police began receiving complaints around 5 O’Clock AM of an Asian gentleman with yellow, glowing hair banging on Tom Brady’s door and yelling Obscenities. The police never responded as Goku has near limitless power. An intoxicated Goku then allegedly kamehameha’d the door of the Bradys who were actually out of town. Making his way through the empty house Goku didn’t do much physical damage besides a message he blasted into the living room floor. The message reads: “I started this ugg shit. This the mothafuckin thanks I get?!”
It is no secret that Goku gained worldwide media attention when he declared his discontent with the Ugg company when he has always been a supporter. ” Let’s go back,” said Goku to a bewildered Jay Leno. “Original Dragonball, Freiza, Android Series, Cell Saga, Buu. I saved this world while wearing Ugg boots too many times to count. That company owes me.” Goku allegedly flipped out this morning when he found out that Tom Brady had been given the contract for the product that he helped popularize.
Surprisingly other members of the DBZ series who also sport the sheepskin boots are indifferent. Goku’s sons, for example, have completely renounced their father’s
actions. His oldest son, Gohan had this to say: ” Quite simply, Fuck him. For real. That bamma left my mom all alone to raise Goten so he could go train with some Indian Kid. And what’s bad is with his power he could visit whenever he wanted to. That dude ain’t shit.” Goku’s longtime rival, Vegeta, tweeted about the matter: ”Lol @ Kakarrot cryin over fashion smh”; “Just get you a pink shirt my dude lol #angrysaijyan”; @GokuSaijyan You look worse than Yamcha after I stole his girl LMAO! CTFU”
At press time we weren’t able to reach Tom Brady for comment. But Patriots head coach Bill Bellichick assured fans that everything would be fine. ” Tom’s great. He actually has been working with a certain green antlered
gentleman just in case Goku threatens his family again. I’m not saying he could beat Goku today but give it a week. He already reached Super Saijyan level 2 and just started training today with no hyperbolic time chamber.” Only time will tell if Brady will be able to defend his family against the angry Saijyan but one expert from Las Vegas says he will. “C’mon son. Can Brady actually do anything wrong? Didn’t think so.”
