New York Giants Acquire Black Smoke Monster From TV Series ‘Lost’

NEW JERSERY- The Man in Black says he would have loved to continue his work on the TV series ‘Lost’. But it’s just something that will not happen. With that the mysterious character has just signed a contract with the New York Giants, shaking up one of the NFL’s most competitive divisions.

The “creature” instantly changes the Giants’ game strategy although it is not clear if he will play offense or defense. But what is clear is that he has been trapped on the Island for decades and knows absolutely nothing about the game of football. Still his unique skill set makes him a danger to most of the other teams in the NFL.

Cincinnati Bengal, Chad Ochocinco, had this to say: “I’m not playing against him. The shit is unsafe. Y’all saw what he did to Mr Eko.” Other players have been more welcoming. “I can’t wait,” said Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburgh Steelers. “I’m not sure how to tackle a creature made of smoke but as soon as I figure it out, it’s on!”

While it is still uncertain what position the monster will play, Quarterback Eli Manning is hoping Coach Coughlin will put him on the offensive line. “I’ll have all day back there,” said Manning.” I’ll be stepping out of the pocket a lot more. That’s for sure.” It is rumored that Michael Strahan is coming back to mentor the rookie football player.

This will definitely be needed to keep the creature out of trouble. In addition to the numerous people he killed on ‘Lost’, the monster has already been accused of the murdering various sports reporters. Sawyer, fellow Lost castaway and de facto manager of the smoke creature denies these charges against his client.

The murders are said to be in response to his skeptics, who doubt his skill on the football field. When asked about his critics at the press conference, the monster, in his John Locke form, responded, “Don’t ever tell me what I can’t do!”