GOTHAM CITY- The dead body of ”Batman” replacement John Blake was found last night. According to sources Reggie James, a long time Gotham resident, tracked down the body after watching Blake “get his ass whooped” in a WorldstarHipHop video.
“I just felt sorry for ol’ boy,” said James. “But that’s what fighting crime without being taught how to fight by a guild of assassins gets you. He’s very clearly no Bruce Wayne.”
John Blake began his “Batman” career with literally no training after the original faked his death to move onto a life of having sex with Catwoman and passive aggressively ignoring the butler who raised him like a son. Blake has since been the laughing stock of Gotham, with screw-ups including but not limited to getting the Tumbler stuck in a ditch, weekly beatdowns on WorldStarHipHop, sending thirsty Facebook messages to The League of shadows, and using the sonar created by Lucius Fox to try to get at women. Fox was not pleased.
“That nigga better not be using my shit again!,” said Fox. “Yeah he brings his ass in here all the time, talking about he needs a better suit. I don’t even know you dog! Are you serious?! Better take your ass to Men’s Warehouse…”
The GCPD has remained silent on the loss but Commissioner Gordon did send this statement to former Batman, Bruce Wayne: “Evil… rises from where we tried to bury it. The Batman has to come back.” To which Wayne responded, “Something else also rises and Selina’s down for whatever so ummmm…yeah….”